hmmm....

things right now..??

they eat ur face off!!

i'm happier then i've ever been....but ehh...things are still screwed up..
but @ least it's not getting me down......

i'm bottling up my problems now.......my "whining" has dropped...& i really don't talk about problems that much....i try & just keep everything inside.......which is working...

if i get depressed...i have ways 2 make myself happy...
& nobody will care..

but it's better then whining all the time...& nobody can make you feel any better because you have 2 get stuck @ home & think about your problems......ALL DAY LONG...
...
i really feel caged..
because i don't get 2 get out much...but when i do!....lol it's like a trainwreck!!!!
but....when i wanna go out....nobody wants 2 go do anything...
& when somebody wants 2 do some'n..
i can't go..

so i sit here & think about my problems..
...ya
it'll do things 2 you eventually lol

hmm....maybey more of the problem was my childhood.....my school life was...
i was ignored..
& made fun of...
...
& the few freinds i had @ the end of Elementary school...were just using me..& the true freinds had mooved away or no longer talked 2 me...
so ya.....
............


ehh...when i look back on my past...more & more & more..
i notice that why i'm so whiney...begins WAY BACK in Elementary school....&...why i have so many heartbreaks...

*sigh*.....ok...if THIS me could talk 2 THAT me.......i'd beat the SHIT out of that lil F'er!!....lol...


hmm......i'm working on fixing it..

but..


4 now?..

my heart is FLYING!
& it feels like i just got off of a HUGE addrenaline rush...


....

the more & more i think about it...

is this true love?...

did i finnally find her?..

did she finally find me?..

she thinks so..
& i think so..

& there is nothing that's gonna get n the way of that...


UNLESS!...

that.....my worst fear IS true..


& those DARK premonitions i've had..
are in fact premonitions..

& my worst fear comes true......



...................................
untill then..
i suppose...

should i enjoy it while it lasts?..

better 2 love & have lost then 2 have never loved @ all...ya know?..

l8r <33