wow...
omfg.....i forgot i had a mindsay....
but i'm back....in black...& am here 2 feed you my opinion...you don't like it...
suck my left nutt..
you know why?...
I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!!!!
hmm....well i'll update later about what all happened in my big gap of absence
but this week has kicked soooo much ass it's not even funny...
peace <3 l8r
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 ....my worries have all dissapeared........ it's a sigh of releaf....for now.. but i fear that the worst is yet 2 come.. but untill then..... i have a dirty little secret... white roses from a black heart only for you.. with some words you should know you killed me.. but you're worth dieing over... so i say.... i love you~~  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ i hope i don't screw this up!!! *bites nails*....she really is worth dieing over though  |
 | Currently Listening Midian By Cradle of Filth Tortured Soul Asylum see related |
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the day of the dead...  dismember my body.. tear out my soul.. rip out my eyes...................................... ... do anything... just don't put me through this pain of seperation.......... < *insert knife here* 3 && you're that reason.. why i can't feel the sun's warmth... ~edit... .......well......congrats.. as that tear rolled off my face.. i hope you realized what you did.... ..& on Valentine's day?.. can i go one day without this?...... |
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seriously...wat's everybody's problem?.. probably the best thing n this whole city.. |
 | Currently Listening Smile Empty Soul By Smile Empty Soul This Is War see related |
wow.....
i made this hurt everybody....
but you hurt me.......
...& even if it was all fake...
i still want 2 fall asleep in your arms...........
i saw you 2day.....i actually could bear 2 look you in the eyes...even though you weren't looking @ me.....
....*sigh*..
you've stolen my heart........
& i don't think ur ever gonna give it back
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i had ISS 2day 4 being late lol..it's BS......i swear the staff @ school is nothing but a bunch of DUMBASSES.....
o well...they can suck my **** because they run the school @$$ backwards anyways..
l8r </3
 | Currently Listening From Under the Cork Tree By Fall Out Boy Sugar, We're Goin` Down see related |
 | Currently Listening Blink 182 By blink-182, Blink 182 Down see related |
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....it hurts every time i see her.........nothing has really changed... i.......i...... |
& u'll regret missing my parties...when you finally decide 2 come back.. 
...yea..things like that 
currently listening 2: Adam's Song by Blink 182
Enema Of The State
*sigh*..ok...so things get blown out of propoartion...
& i know i've been angry lately..but i didn't mean 4 this 2 happen...
& now i've screwed everything up.....
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..... 
lol what am i doing???..........
why is this happening...!!
NO!!
this can't b!!!.....
it's happening yet again...
it seems it's just impossible....
& even the most perfect of perfect cannot even drag me away from her!!!!!
why is my heart cursed so?...
.....just when i thought i was 100% over Rachel....it all happens again......WHY!?!?!?....why can't i get over her?....why can't i get her?........why does it have 2 hurt?...
.....just when i thought......i truely 100% loved Ashleigh with all of my heart.......this has 2 happen...
this is going 2 ruin my happyness!!! Ashleigh has made me soo happy!!....everything has been so perfect..
but then...
i trip..& fall 4 Rachel again....
......
....well me & Ashleigh DID promice each other one thing...
we would help each other get over our problems......as far as love goes..
well i'm going 2 need all the help i can get..
otherwise....all my happyness is going 2 come crashing down...
&...her heart will b crushed along with mine....
o dear what hast thou heart become?..
why hast thou been hurt so?.................
damn my heart is confused!!!...
somebody help me!!!!..
i really do not want this 2 happen ALL over again just like it has 100,000,000 times n the past with every other girl i've fallen in love with.......
it seems..
if a girl falls 4 me..
then she falls down..
dead....from heartbreak..
aparently...i'm a murderer...
hopefully i can stop this this time......
l8r </3
hmmm....
things right now..??
they eat ur face off!!
i'm happier then i've ever been....but ehh...things are still screwed up..
but @ least it's not getting me down......
i'm bottling up my problems now.......my "whining" has dropped...& i really don't talk about problems that much....i try & just keep everything inside.......which is working...
if i get depressed...i have ways 2 make myself happy...
& nobody will care..
but it's better then whining all the time...& nobody can make you feel any better because you have 2 get stuck @ home & think about your problems......ALL DAY LONG...
...
i really feel caged..
because i don't get 2 get out much...but when i do!....lol it's like a trainwreck!!!! 
but....when i wanna go out....nobody wants 2 go do anything...
& when somebody wants 2 do some'n..
i can't go..
so i sit here & think about my problems..
...ya
it'll do things 2 you eventually lol
hmm....maybey more of the problem was my childhood.....my school life was...
i was ignored..
& made fun of...
...
& the few freinds i had @ the end of Elementary school...were just using me..& the true freinds had mooved away or no longer talked 2 me...
so ya.....
............
ehh...when i look back on my past...more & more & more..
i notice that why i'm so whiney...begins WAY BACK in Elementary school....&...why i have so many heartbreaks...
*sigh*.....ok...if THIS me could talk 2 THAT me.......i'd beat the SHIT out of that lil F'er!!....lol...
hmm......i'm working on fixing it..
but..
4 now?..
my heart is FLYING!
& it feels like i just got off of a HUGE addrenaline rush...
....
the more & more i think about it...
is this true love?...
did i finnally find her?..
did she finally find me?..
she thinks so..
& i think so..
& there is nothing that's gonna get n the way of that...
UNLESS!...
that.....my worst fear IS true..
& those DARK premonitions i've had..
are in fact premonitions..
& my worst fear comes true......
...................................
untill then..
i suppose...
should i enjoy it while it lasts?..
better 2 love & have lost then 2 have never loved @ all...ya know?..
l8r <33
love makes you crazy...
it makes you self destructive...
it makes you not care...
it makes you a troublemaker...
it hurts like hell...
& only makes you feel bad...
all that BS that happened all that time ago...that i've blamed on others so much now...
is my own fault...
*sigh*
if it wasn't 4 me...i'd b so happy....
& even more dammage has now occured because i didn't just stop it then & change my mind...i should have just forgotten everything about her...& gone with the one i had a chance with.....it would have been easier that way...
& maybey then..i'd still have both of them....
maybey...
only maybey...
but i know one thing...
i'll always love them...
even if they hate me..
& they'll both realize what they've done...& come back.......one day....
untill then..i'll lay here....among the souls of the dead...
i lay here dieing in this sespool of evil..
waiting on them 2 realize what they've done..
& 2 come rescue me.....
</3
well sry i haven't updated N so long...just haven't really felt like it.....but well here's how my life has been since then
i h8 that lil fucker...
he starts all these rumors i'm gay..then lies 2 my face about them..
then he starts d8n one of my best freinds (who i have a HUGE crush on) & she starts talk'n about him all the time....& i have jealousy issues...so that just makes me h8 him more..
well he changes her..2 where she becomes a 2faced freind & she lies 2 me constantly......
he actually told me 2 stop talking 2 her.....
but i told him 2 fuck himself & die
.....ehh...not like he will..cuz i sure as hell am not gonna stop talking 2 her...
he keeps talking shit about me & getting his freinds & family after me..
he's 2 big of a pussy 2 fight his own battle with me.....
& he honestly believes i'm scared of him & all his "big bad buddies"...when i'm not..
i just wish he'd shut his fucking mouth...& leave her alone...& fight HIS OWN BATTLES...becasue this is HIS conflict with me..not his & all his buddies conflict with me
so w/e
so ya..imma kick his ass
umm....well i'm sry i haven't updated N a long time...
but that's pretty much been all that's going on...is him b'n a dumbfuck
&....me try'n 2 ressurect the pretty much dead friendship with Rachel......damn i really wish i had never written that fucking note....then i wouldn't feel like shit 4 stabbing my best freind in the back....
so far..rebuilding it...has been slow...but it's getting there....
*sigh*.....i still love her.....she's my whole world..
when i first met her.....i loved her...
i changed how i dressed 2 please her...
& eventually w/o me even realizing it or even meaning 2 do it...i changed my attitude 2 please her......
she was..& still is..& probably will always b my everything...
i love her....
& when she loved me back...
the world was falling apart....but...i was still so happy
but..it didn't last...it ended with a hellfireballexplosion of tears & pain...4 me & her....
but the flame in my heart still burned...
yet...i still felt feelings for others....so i persued those affections.....they had disasterous results...
i find love...& i throw it away all for her....2 go after an affection that seems 2 b throwing me away....
well let's see...
i'm currently in Florida....spending the last Thanksgiving my family will have 2gether as a whole....because well...my Dad's coart date is Dec 3....so ya..
& also my parents are splitting up........
gosh it sucks...have'n parents that are possibly divorcing...a father going 2 prison..
this also is the 1st time my family has gotten 2gether 4 Vacation since i was probably about 4.......& ya..it'll B the last...
i grew up where i hardly ever saw my parents 2gether @ all....
...hmmmm....*sigh*
anymore i don't really care about anything...
..i just want Rachel...then nothing would matter...i'd always b happy...if she was just in my arms....
2day has been one of those days....... 
.......just when i was starting getting good... 
... 
) i'm not really gonna miss much... 
